I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
