So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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