You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
