She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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