if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
