Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
