Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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