They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
