Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
