My girlfriend figured out who you are.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
