I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
