Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
