I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
farters have to be the big spoon...
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
