i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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