My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
He felt like a one man threesome
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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