Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
