Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
