I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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