I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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