Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Operation Purity has been aborted
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
