At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
