In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
