But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
