So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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