I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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