I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
