I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
