Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
