I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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