I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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