My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
