the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
They have beer where we have blood.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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