you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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