I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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