Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
