i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
