HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
