anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
