That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
