She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
