I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
