I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize
