Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
