: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
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