you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
