Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
