Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
my being single is dangerous.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
