Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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