you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
