I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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