Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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