P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize