can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
