It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Randomize
