He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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