I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize