I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I wish there were birth control emojis
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
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