What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
They are going to name an STD after you.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
