she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
