my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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