That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize