why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
