Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
