He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
