I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
