What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize