you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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